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Whoever is trying to hack into my social media, Newgrounds, and signing my email up to weird accounts knock it off. Go actually do something instead of bothering me. I'm writing this on here because this person tries to hack my Newgrounds on a regular basis for months now
It's been 6 months since my best friend was taken from this world too soon... It doesn't get any easier. She just turned 18 not even two months before... It hurts so much when someone who's been there since before Kindergarten is no longer here. Someone who's supposed to be there with during every mile stone. She'll never be in my wedding if I ever decided to get married. She'll never meet her nieces or nephews if I ever had any children. I'll never get to see who would have swept her off her feet, or see how beautiful her children would have been... She was one of the most beautiful girls I knew, she didn't even need to try. She was my sister... Six months ago hearing she was dead was the first thing my sister and I heard that day. My dad came barging in the front door and yelled she was dead... I cried for hours, my mom held me as I screamed. I cried the whole morning. I couldn't do anything else but cry. I was a zombie, I couldn't hold down anything. I threw up food and water. My head felt like it was getting split open. My sister forced me to eat and drink water and made me sleep. It helped but my best friend, my ister was still layig at the clinic dead... My mom brought me down to the clinic where her family and ours were waiting outside the clinic for her body to be flown out... It's traumatizing seeing your best friend being pulled away in a body bag... I asked her sister if I can make a quilt for her. I did, while she was gone getting examined. I actually dreamed that night a pattern for her quilt. For three days straight I worked on that quilt. 29 hours to be exact. My mom and auntie made her a pouch necklace and a matching bracelet... So many weird things were happening like she was watching us. Beads popping off threads because the pattern was off, my thread kept getting cut on my sewing machine, only when I was messing up. I used her favorite colors and patterns. Purple and pink along with zebra print. On the top I actually used a material she wanted. I'm glad I kept it now she has it with her... I feel better knowing my last gift to her will be with her forever... But man seeing her laying there in a coffin for days... We traveled 12 hours downriver in boats to bury her in her family's hometown... Traditionally someone is supposed to be with her all day and all night... I stayed with her the first night we were there until 5:30 am... Seeing her face all scratched and bruised from the accident... Feeling her cold cold skin... It shouldn't have happened like this at all... I'll never get to make memories with her ever again... I'll never hear her beautiful laugh from her mouth again... It's weird the day we got there it was sunny the whole day. So many of us got sun burnt, it was the hottest day this past summer. Almost a hundred degrees. But the day we left... it rained the whole way up... Like she was crying we were leaving her... I cried the whole boat ride home... I'm still crying... She didn't deserve it, she had such a great future ahead of her... She was supposed to be going to school this past semester with me... She wanted to be a lawyer... I miss my Froggy...
So I just came home, the latest I ever came home in a really long time. I just came home from my first date ever. It wasn't as I awkward as I thought it would be. Surprisingly it was with a guy in the army, a GI. If you know I don't really like GIs, I chose to not to really intereact with them. Another surprising factor is he is older than I usually go. I've only ever 'dated' guys up to a year and half older than me. He's 5 years older than me and I would say that is a factor of why tonight was just so- wow. He was really sweet and was a really really nice guy. But wait there is another thing that was out of my norms. He's three inches shorter than me. The shortest guy I've 'dated' was my height. It was different. All my life I've always said I would never date a man shorter than me because well... I was always the tallest kid in my age group, in all my classes until my Sophomore year. I giggled at first when I stood by him but when he asked why was I laughing, I couldn't really say but I did just tell him I was a giggly person and I brought it up again. I know how guys don't like people pointing out their height. He brought me to the movies, we watched Allied. We talked the whole car ride there and well we drove around a little bit to talk longer, we were early anyways. At first we were the only ones in the whole theater for the movie so we kept talking, kept making comments about the movie. It was great, he actually fed me popcorn, it was really different and I kind of liked it. But other people showed up so we just whispered to each other every now and again. Slowly he sunked into out seats just like leaning towards each other, whispering away. I loved the movie, it was amazing, except one thing. Not gonna say. We walked out and sat in his car and talked while it warmed up. Then he started to drive me home and we talked the whole away again. When he parked by the mail box I hugged him goodnight, tried to kiss his cheek. Well we ended up kissing, well we made out. He's the third man I've kissed. He was better than the others. After a while we stopped and decided to drive around some more about 45 minutes, he held my hand most of the way. He even kissed it a few times. Again he stopped by my mailbox and turned off the headlights. We ended up making out again haha. I lost count of time and I really didn't want to. My lips are still tingling. Tonight was full of many firsts and I am really glad I decided to step out of my box this evening. We're actually making plans to go bowling tomorrow... Well today. Hahaha.
So yesterday marked the five year mark since my dog, Copper passed away, he was... Sorta alcoholic and had a heart attack... He also had a beer gut...
I could disappear and only my best friend and my parents would notice. People stopped caring about me after my knee accident happened. To them I'm only 'their favorite' when ball season is here, when I have money, or I have something they want. I only talk to two people. I haven't really dated anybody since 8th grade, like really dated. I finally had my first kiss in Janaury, then we never talked again. Most days aren't worth going outside for.... But then again some are...
I'm already over him, after reading your guys' comments and listening to my friends what is there really to cry over? That's like me crying over spilt milk, and I'm lactuse intolerent. Done crying over something dumb, plus cried myself asleep last night and my face was all puffy and swollen when I woke up, never again. Also today I re-realised that life isn't going to pause while I get over a 'broken heart'... Thanks to my teacher who gave me another assignment to finish in a hour before they do the final grades, psh.
After that though I just basically hung out with my friends and chilled. HEY!! Today I got to change my brace to 90 degrees, I was finally able to walk up stairs normally!! But going down is still a different story. Progress people, progress. I'm already looking forward for my next check up!!! *squeal*
... Also, how the fuck do you use the 'new' picture thing... (Not exactly new but new to me)
I've never thought I'd be this heartbroken again, but it's official. We'll never be seeing each other at all. I may have never sounded like it but I think I did love him. My heart feels shattered, I feel broken and I feel exposed and insecure. I guess my ex was right I'm ugly, fat and who the hell in their right mind would love me?
I just asked what was going on and I told him my feelings were confused and I don't know what to feel and them he just said okay bye... Is it normal to cry so hard I feel like puking until I die? I'm perfectly ready to hate males again.
Package up any appealing clothing I have and just stay in my room gain weight and live with my parents for the rest of my short years.
..... I just feel like being held and crying until I can't cry no more, but here I am alone like always....
So my knee is healing swimmingly. When I first had a brace for it it was a XXL and the swelling went down a lot so now I have an XL brace, thunder thighs. The tissue is healing, and the tendons are shrinking into place. Yes I'm able to play basketball for my senior year and yes I'm crazy enough to do it. Plus side is she said I don't have to wear a brace or anything, but I have this fear that it'll pop out easier .__. Also about 4/5 of the guys I was friends with are totally dead to me now. DEAD. I won't be dating anyone soon, good... But having kissing withdrawals >.< but oh well last week of school.
So I went in yesterday, apparently this whole time I wasn't suppose to bend my knee. Quickly the doctor, who I have seen before for my other knee, got me this big knee brace fixed so I can't bend it. She then put me through x-rays, quick enough. Good news nothing was broken! Then we made an appointment to go back in a few weeks... Then we went shopping, god... I almost ran over people in the little wheel chair kart thing. I should've too... Bitches. But I had the hardest getting in the bush plane... Had to put my leg on the seat in front of me... By time my leg heals I should be very flexible because I'm suppose to wear the brace at all times...
My leg would take around a month to heal enough for physical activities. I'm going up for an x-ray tomorrow, I hope it just ends well and hopefully I won't be scared if someone comes charging at me on the court.