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Entry #321

Fuck my life

2014-05-15 01:46:05 by owlgirl387

I've never thought I'd be this heartbroken again, but it's official. We'll never be seeing each other at all. I may have never sounded like it but I think I did love him. My heart feels shattered, I feel broken and I feel exposed and insecure. I guess my ex was right I'm ugly, fat and who the hell in their right mind would love me?

I just asked what was going on and I told him my feelings were confused and I don't know what to feel and them he just said okay bye... Is it normal to cry so hard I feel like puking until I die? I'm perfectly ready to hate males again. 

Package up any appealing clothing I have and just stay in my room gain weight and live with my parents for the rest of my short years.

 

..... I just feel like being held and crying until I can't cry no more, but here I am alone like always....


Comments

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S3CS3C

2014-05-15 16:19:42

oops...now I feel kinda bad. I hope I didn't compound your problems. If it's any consolation, there are a LOT of males then are into bigger women. And weight is something you can almost always fix...I know you're recovering from an injury but at least you are/were active. I still think they are lying about not finding you attractive...and since you've had previous relationships, you most certainly ARE a catch!

owlgirl387 responds:

Hahaa thanks you don't need to feel bad, and well I suppose I am, I can shoot guns, cut fish, sew, bead, ect. Hahaa good Native American girl.


S3CS3C

2014-05-15 04:05:10

1.) there's no way you're fat- because you play basketball! and you're most likely in shape too, so your def. not ugly. There's the factual evidence to disprove such a wild claim. 2.) if he was dating you in the first place, he obviously found you attractive, and he's just saying all this ish now to make you feel bad obviously because he's insecure about himself, which is something me and the three posters below all will concur on.

Yeah, I hear you, guys should be more like women, in the sense of less douchebag-ness...Seems like there are a significantly more nice women in this world than men, but then again I'm biased. Unfortunately, the majority of guys are either obnoxious assholes who think they are above women or are beta-males who put women on a pedestal (such as myself)...the ones in between are numbered few.

*gives you a virtual hug*

P.S. Don't feel bad about living with your parents...I mean you are only 17...I'm almost 26 and I live with my parents and will be here for the foreseeable future LOL

@Decimating

then come back and stop lurking you moping idiot. find solace in the friends you made on this site, that should be enough for you. also nice job making your comment 75% about you lol...just messing with you buddy I don't even know you but if you've had some fun here than it seems silly to leave completely...you obviously are still reading comments and blogs

owlgirl387 responds:

Hahaa I am overweight, I can't run that much because I use to be sick a lot when I was little like I couldn't go outside without having a coughing fit, I still have breathing problems plus I come from a family with big women (plus because I can't get pushed around) and thanks... Maybe I didn't make it clear enough? The guy I dated before him called me ugly and such things, another douche I suppose all my friends said so. Also I guess he broke it off because "I don't want to hurt you", clearly he did. Just done arguing and crying already my face is like a balloon >.<

*virtual hug back*

Thank you again, and sometimes the yes ma'am boyfriends are better, aren't hardasses like native men.


VoltageVoltage

2014-05-15 02:45:17

well, things arent so bad... now that you don't have time with your significant other, try to improve. things can fix themselves over time! don't just let yourself think it's ok to "gain weight" and be alone. things take time, and it takes time to improve. don't let others or yourself say otherwise. like Bawrf, love your life - and if he was a real man he'd understand to stick by. lots of us throw away perfectly good romantic relationships for short term things, and wrongly for other people that don't stick by us. we all make mistakes... you should try to improve, listen to something uplifting. i've been there. you can do it :)

Voltage

owlgirl387 responds:

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. Isn't it off that strangers like you two comfort me not than my 'friends'. Thank you.


BawrfBawrf

2014-05-15 02:37:04

Even though I am a male I think I can understand but I definitely can't feel what you are going through. From my perspective men nowadays have become pitiful beings, ( myself included) and do not want to take responsibility for anything anymore. We have become cowards in our own right and yet it is by nature for men to solve problems regardless of what they are. If he thought you were ugly before you got together then that guy was a piece of trash from the beginning. If all he had to say was bye then he is a weak coward altogether. Owlgirl don't worry there are plenty more fish in the sea. It sometimes may take a while to find the right one but never beat yourself down because everyone has their own uniqueness. For a man to say what he said to you as a woman means that HE is insecure and exposed. And it is not in a man's nature to be insecure. He wasn't very manly to begin with. I'm sorry if I've been to much trouble by giving some advice but don't worry Love Your Life :)

owlgirl387 responds:

Thank you, that helped a lot, whenever this does happen I just go into shut down mode. He made me feel so special I tried and tried to improve myself and now I just like what's the point. But thank you.