Entry #374

Love

2017-04-19 17:54:15 by owlgirl387
Updated

I am sick of men telling me they love me. Yes, I mostly talking about this guy I have been dating since December. In the beginning of this month he left, because his job required it and if he refused to go, he would be in jail right now. But he found out a month beforehand and withheld this knowledge from me for two weeks. Let it be known, he was the one who wanted this to be a serious relationship. He thought it would be best just to not let me know and let us just drift apart and by time he left I wouldn't care. Through those two weeks, I was the only one trying to keep whatever we had going on to keep going, I was respecting him and wanted to be serious as well, though he never even asked me to be his girlfriend. I called him out on being distant and I wanted to know what was going on. My friends were filling my head with things like oh he's cheating on you. I was making myself go crazy. I was pissed he didn't tell me.

Well now he's in California and a few days ago he told me,"love you." I don't believe him. If he did actually love me he wouldn't have been okay with keeping something so big from me, he wouldn't be okay with us drifting apart. He wouldn't be actively ignoring me now and just not responding to my texts daily.  I automatically asked him if he was drunk. I was surprised, he said no. I didn't know what to say, so after a while, I replied," Okay then, why do you love me?"

He stated,"Because you're beautiful, you have a great personality and you put up with me." I don't even know exactly why but that isn't what I wanted to hear, I don't see those as valid reasons to confess your love for someone especially when you say it so casually not even the full statement. I just told him okay. We haven't really talked since then. He did try to bring it up last night but he said nevermind and I wanted him to tell me but now he's ignoring me once again.

So, I restate I am sick of men telling me they love me. If you're okay with putting me through Hell, making me cry, or being a constant jackass to me, continuously insulting me on my life choices. I don't believe you. I will never believe you. I deserve better, all women deserve better. I don't want you in my life if you're just going to be an obstacle for me to climb over. Life has enough of those. If you are removed from my life, I don't want you back, there is a reason you are gone. Your purpose in my life is over, move on. This is me talking to those men who think they love me. The men who were once the reason I smiled. Stop. Move on. You are no longer the reason I smile, you became the reason I cried. The bad overweighs the good ten-fold. I am moving on with my life, I am no longer looking back, there's no time nor reason to look back. I have enough grief in my life as is, I don't need you to add to it again, you already put your two-cents in continuously. No more. No more million second chances, you have made your bed each time, now its time for you to lie in it.

I am done with love. Not for good, just for the time being. I need to focus on school, work, family life, and my dog.

Peace.


Comments

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FidisSopFidisSop

2017-04-20 14:06:09

then i hate you.

owlgirl387 responds:

I accept that.


MactaMendaxMactaMendax

2017-04-20 22:08:22

guys you should talk face to face. that's what family does.

to OP, if you ever need somebody to talk to, you can always PM me and i'll be there to talk.

owlgirl387 responds:

He's not family. Thank you for the offer.